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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839712">Nostalgia and Unspoken Words</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsilklino/pseuds/redsilklino'>redsilklino</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adorable, Alcohol, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Nostalgia, just overall pretty soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:22:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839712</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsilklino/pseuds/redsilklino</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In a cold night, Seo Changbin's friend group go on a sort of camping trip after graduating high school. There are many things left unspoken between him and his best friend, Hwang Hyunjin, with whom Changbin has been in love for a few years. Maybe, tonight, the alcohol will make him say for once those words he was so afraid to admit sober</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nostalgia and Unspoken Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, this was not planned therefore the description/summary is accurate but as you see, it's not that long and descriptive as my other works. It is more of a heartwarming and cute scenario I wanted to write for Changbin's birthday and got longer than I intended so I decided to post it here rather than on my twitter account.</p>
<p>Disclaimer: nothing sexual happens, just kissing and cuddling, however there are implicit mentions of characters possibly having sex at the moment or later on. Also, Jisung is described in a line to be theorizing about aliens, so if this topic makes you uncomfortable, just skip through that line.</p>
<p>Please, take into account that I did not plan this and I wrote it at 3 am and I have just slept 4 hours, so there might be some mistakes that I have missed when I was editing.</p>
<p>That's all, enjoy Changbin's loving hours because this boy deserves the world (everyone does) and I felt extremely soft yet nostalgic last night, hence this emotional short mess.</p>
<p>If you like more explicit stuff, check out my other works (the Minsung one is also pretty soft in case you don't like that much hard stuff), if you don't, please ignore those works and just enjoy this one. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Thank you for spending a few minutes of your busy lives to read this, I hope you like it :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So you are really going away" Hyunjin whispers, sitting beside his best friend, Changbin, while Jisung rambles loudly about his new extravagant yet “absolutely fucking true guys” theory, which explains –sort of–  how aliens are going to conquer the earth and use human as their sex toys to lay eggs and create a new species. Jisung was badly drunk at this point and rambling like crazy about whatever came into his mind, but the smile in Minho's face doesn't falter for a second while listening to his boyfriend.</p>
<p><br/>
"Yep" answers Changbin in a joyful tone, although he doesn't really feel happy. He somehow, feels fucking miserable doing this, even though he has been waiting for it for a year now. How ironic.</p>
<p><br/>
They graduated last week and when the summer ends he will go away, to Germany, where some of his cousins live, to get a finance degree, his dream since not that long ago. He had been talking excitedly about it for two years but now that he was just two months away from making this dream come true, he felt as if his whole world was quivering in fear, because he suddenly didn't want that much to go so far away. Away from everything he knew and loved.</p>
<p><br/>
He had been thinking in those final weeks of classes, how much would he miss his group of friends, chaotic but hilarious, how much he would miss his parents and his sister, who has always been the core of his strength and had supported his dreams and hobbies since the beginning. But on top of that, how fucking much he would miss Hyunjin, his best friend and the guy he has been in love with for a few years secretly because he was afraid of ruining everything they got. All those years of unrivalled friendship that passed through his mind in a bliss, a pure rush of adrenaline, happiness and a bit of regret.</p>
<p><br/>
"Everyone is going away" Hyunjin mumbles, as if he had truly intended to speak to himself and didn’t notice how his vocal chords vibrated with every voiced sound, but his saddened tone makes Changbin shift on his chair awkwardly.</p>
<p><br/>
They were celebrating in the middle of nowhere the end of their lives as they have known them for so long and the beginning of a new moment, a new opportunity to chase their dreams and become how they really are away from their families and their constrictions. Away from all the anchors that had tried to drag them down and suffocate them. The fire was nice, it left a warm and ticklish feeling in their sweaty skins in comparison with the cold night. They were camping -sort of- and getting drunk while taking about everything and nothing at all. Their lives, their dreams, their fears, loves and the stupidest stuff that came to their minds. It was probably four a.m. already, but Changbin still felt as if it was just beginning. As if they have truly not spoken a word at all because there was still many things unsaid navigating through his brain at the moment.</p>
<p><br/>
Changbin felt high, although not from the alcohol that he had consumed, but for the lingering sensation in his chest that had been following him around for a few weeks, waiting for this exact moment. The moment in which Hyunjin would for the first time speak to him face to face about this inevitable event.</p>
<p><br/>
They had been friends since they were seven years old. In every important moment on his life, Hyunjin has been there. In every heartbreak, fight, fail and win, Hyunjin has been there. But now, suddenly, they would be in different countries, in different continents and Changbin couldn't stop thinking about how it was almost as if they were galaxies apart. Like those in Hyunjin's eyes every night he has looked at him for the past eleven years. Although now, as his eyes stop on his best friend’s face, Changbin perceives how the light is not there. Only darkness and the reflection of the fire.</p>
<p><br/>
"And you are staying" Hyunjin smiles. A shy tiny smile that brings many memories back, of when Hyunjin was too timid to even speak a word and used to fumble with his clothes. He sometimes still did that these days; however only when he was feeling unsure and small, despite being like twenty centimetres taller than Changbin.</p>
<p><br/>
"I'm always staying... here, yes" he replies carefully, as if he was measuring his words. A nostalgic glimmer in his eyes shining in the night, a glitter that Changbin didn't want to admit to have been staining his heart as well.</p>
<p><br/>
"You like it here" Hyunjin always felt complete when he was with his family and friends. He always liked this town despite its dull atmosphere. He liked the calmness, the silence, the familiar feeling of being at home. So it was only natural for him to start his literature degree next year here. But Changbin didn't. He liked exciting and new adventures, he liked to visit different places and he liked chaos. So his biggest dream in high school was to study abroad at college. What he did not expect was to feel so heartbroken whenever he saw Hyunjin and thought that next year he won't be there, by his side, telling him the latest gossips and his wonderful and deep interpretations of books. He won't be there when Changbin won't feel like sleeping and will look through the window to the night sky, speaking absolutely bullshit just to make him laugh at the other side of the line. That sparkly and extravagant laugh that put adorable dimples on his cheeks.</p>
<p>Now, there will be just radio silence.</p>
<p><br/>
"Yeah, I do" but Hyunjin doesn't sound as he does.</p>
<p><br/>
Quietness expands in their little world as Chan and Felix sneak around and get lost in the woods, probably to make out without having to hear Seungmin complains about them being too cheesy in front of them, giggling and snuggling like two teenagers completely infatuated with each other. Even though they were. Two completely adorable teenagers scared of the future and so fucking in love with each other that it was even surreal.</p>
<p><br/>
Changbin could hear Felix's excited laugh as they stumbled and crashed fallen leaves, getting deeper into the forest. Jisung now was talking about the latest anime he was watching and Minho was picking on him for his choices while also proposing equally questionable ones. Jeongin was skimming something on his phone, his finger moving up and down in a hypnotic motion, and Seungmin was pouting cutely by his side, desiring his attention with even puppy eyes but being too entitled and proud to actually do something about it.</p>
<p><br/>
"We will miss you... I... will." The words, a tiny sound wave almost impossible to perceive, dance freely in the hot air as Changbin slowly sinks in them. Like driving into the ocean. Into Hyunjin's ocean of whispered feelings and screamed lies. "I will miss you" he repeats, squirming in his camping chair until their gazes meet and Changbin feels like the fire has finally reached his body. Alcohol and something else mixing in his weak heart as the beautiful boy in front of him scans his face covered by a cap and frowns his eyebrows in displeasure.</p>
<p><br/>
"I will miss you too, Hyunjinnie" and the honesty in his own words makes him shudder. After avoiding this conversation for months, for weeks, considering it so far away and then too near the deadline to cope with it, Changbin feels like he is living the most crucial yet scarier seconds of his short live, because he suddenly realizes that those "miss" they are exchanging do not mean "feel regret or sadness at no longer being able to enjoy the presence of", but rather "love". Pure. Fucking. Love.</p>
<p>Because Changbin will certainly miss his friends, their jokes, awkward silences, pranks and games. And he will miss his family. And Hyunjin. But over all of that, he will still love Hyunjin and miss him in a way he won't ever love or miss any of their other shared friends. Because Hyunjin is much more than just a friend and Changbin knew that already but now, looking at him under the faint light of the fire, with the shadows playing tricks in his skin, his sad eyes and those words dancing in the air, he suddenly understands the weight of those feelings. "More than anything or anyone" he adds after a few seconds in which his own heart skips a few beats, almost galloping inside his chest.</p>
<p><br/>
"Will you?" He asks, arching an eyebrow and smirking, the edge of the can of coke slightly touching his pink lips. Hyunjin never drank. Changbin always drank. Maybe that was the reason why Changbin always poured his heart out when he was drunk and Hyunjin understood him so well. Maybe that was the reason why he got drunk in the first place, hoping that one night he would slip up and finally confess his feelings to him and Hyunjin would know, because he always listened to him attentively, as if he always said the most precious things in the world. Or as if he was waiting for him to say something. Something he also desired. So maybe, that was the reason why Hyunjin never drank. To remember. To never forget his words and keep them deep in his soul, as if they were tiny secrets.</p>
<p><br/>
Changbin didn't know. He didn't know anything at all. About the world, about life, about himself, but he knew Hyunjin. He knew Hyunjin better than he had ever known himself and he knew what that motion meant: the flickering but certain movement of his eyes from Changbin's eyes to his lips, shiny with the last sip of his monster beverage mixed with cheap vodka. And then again to this eyes. And again to his lips.</p>
<p><br/>
Changbin shivers, feeling cold, needy and empty when Hyunjin fixes his gaze for a third time on his eyes and stays there, waiting, leaving it up to him to decide the next seconds and, perhaps, the next months, years of their lives... the outcome of that night that would remain on their memories forever. The night they will come back later, when the night feels too foggy and damp and their souls need some warm. The night full of nostalgia and unspoken words. The night that ended their friendship as it has been until that moment. Because, even if Changbin didn't lean closer, even if he didn't do anything and continued to drink his abomination of alcohol bomb, their eyes told, their hearts knew and their souls said it the rest.</p>
<p><br/>
And Hyunjin's eyes were always perfect at telling the wonders of his sentimental and intense heart. While Changbin's were masters at hiding his most fascinating desires.</p>
<p><br/>
So Changbin makes a decision -although it's more like an impulse born from his feelings for Hyunjin and all his dreams at quiet and lonely nights- and leans closer. His heart is beating like an amusing set of drums, a whole orchestra, as he approaches. His hands feel wet and cold from the sweat. His mind feels fuzzy and dizzy as he tries to comprehend that what he is doing is not, once again, one of his dreams but a real and tangible moment of his life. His heart picks up its pace as Jisung's voice, Minho's laugh, Jeongin's whispers and Seungmin's tensed voice all disappear in the background, transforming into the distant noises of cicadas in overheated nights.</p>
<p><br/>
Nights. Nights. Nights.</p>
<p><br/>
Suddenly Changbin realizes that he likes nights. The quiets moment of life. The loneliest in which hearts yearn in screaming whispers. Because Hyunjin was always with him at nights, over the phone, when they made short trips in the weekends without cash or in his mind.</p>
<p><br/>
Hyunjin. Hyunjin. Hyunjin.</p>
<p><br/>
The warmth of his lips against his freezing ones makes Changbin squirm in his chair. The tight grip around his drink loosens as their mouths connect and his brain is unable to form any coherent sentence. Hyunjin feels warms. He has always felt warm. His skin, his words, his love, his lips. Changbin wants to drown in the heat. Swim in that pool full of fire. His thoughts are a mess, but not from the alcohol. Incoherent metaphors and cheesy phrases appear for a few seconds, tempting him to say them out loud, to break the contact and lessen the weight of his pounding heart. Wrecked and smashed with just a few seconds.</p>
<p><br/>
He didn't want to go away. He wanted to stay here, by his side, for the rest of his life, in his warmth, in this night. Here. He wanted Hyunjin so bad, that it hurt.</p>
<p><br/>
The kiss is soft but passionate. They explore each other's mouth without rush, but precisely, testing the reactions to every drag, every bite, lick, pull and tiny motion. His hands travel to Hyunjin's long hair and tangle in his tiny messy ponytail after he fell to the ground and fought with Jisung hours ago over a Uno card game, dirtying his clothes a bit with grass and dust. Both their caps had fallen to the land the moment their lips meet, a clumsy action that made them giggle into the kiss.</p>
<p><br/>
Slowly, Changbin feels the way his body relaxes into the touch, enjoying every second of the kiss as they get closer, not being able to taste enough, to feel enough. Hyunjin's skin is soft mostly, although his hands are rough when they play with the cute mullet that Changbin has grown unintentionally. His lips are eager and his mouth seems to know perfectly what to do, comfortably playing with Changbin's one, as if he even knew what Changbin would die for while making out.</p>
<p><br/>
It's not too long after he finds himself in Hyunjin's lap, his legs on each side of his gigantic body, feeling so tiny and shy in his big warm arms. The drinks are in the ground now, so their hands are occupied with each other, pulling each other's clothes and bodies closer. Changbin's whole body is vibrating, throbbing from the pleasure and satisfaction of doing something he has been longing for years. He feels lost in Hyunjin's lips and embrace and it feels like the best feeling in the world with Hyunjin's hands around Changbin's tiny waist and chubby tummy or squishing Changbin's thighs hungrily.</p>
<p><br/>
As Changbin trails a path of kisses through Hyunjin's jaw, he perceives for the first time in that night that Hyunjin isn't wearing a t-shirt under his grey hoodie. Heat increases in his body, staining his cheeks and ears with a crimson colour that he cannot hide even in the semi darkness of the night. Hyunjin laughs at his reaction while Changbin plays with the zipper cutely, searching in Hyunjin's eyes for the green light to slowly get rid of that nuisance and Hyunjin nods quietly, panting and shuddering as Changbin's cold hands make way, pulling his zipper down until half of his chest. The outline of his pecs and the perfect shape of his collarbones, so aesthetically pleasant under the fire light, sends shivers through Changbin's body. He wants to mark every centimetre of his skin with love bites. Paint his skin in red of different shapes as his lips and teeth make way, not leaving a single pinch of his neck and collarbones without being marked in that feverish-like path that has Hyunjin arching his back and moaning in his ear.</p>
<p><br/>
So he does. He draws in him shapes, patterns, lines and words never imagined, creating with this unique and astonishing canvas, a masterpiece that enhances the beauty of his glistening eyes, mouth, body and soul. Pure light among the darkness.</p>
<p><br/>
They can hear Seungmin complaining in the background and Jeongin immediately shutting him up by connecting their mouths in a kiss that has Seungmin forgetting about whatever he was about to keep yelling at them. Jisung and Minho are giggling now, perhaps at them finally making this move after being noticeably in love with the other for several years, perhaps at another of Minho's unmatchable ideas.</p>
<p><br/>
Neither Hyunjin nor Changbin care, too lost in the sort of paradise they have constructed around them as their mouths move like one and their bodies meet against the clothes, dying to feel, to touch, to grab, to taste without those impediments, but still contemplating, waiting, enjoying the minutes of their bodies cuddling into a mess of arms and legs and their swollen lips meeting again and again, restless, not having enough of the other's lips. There was time. There was still time for Changbin to stay here with Hyunjin for a little longer. Just a little longer. There were still two months left, but nobody could replace the exhilarating seconds of that night in which their mouths meet, discovered each other, for the first time in their lives.</p>
<p><br/>
Everything else could wait. Germany. Their friends. The hunger for each other's body to the next physical level. The conversation about how their relationship would change from now on. The conversation about what they would do when the end of the summer approached. Now, they wanted to focus on this moment, this exact moment in which their mouths met and their souls touched like ancient lovers, rediscovering the enigmatic yet heart-warming feeling of love.</p>
<p><br/>
"I definitely will"</p>
<p><br/>
miss you,</p>
<p>love you.</p>
<p><br/>
Stay with you.</p>
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